Dear College Dean:

Two proposals have been presented to you about how to spend the large donation entrusted to the college. The first plan, entailing cd's, gifts and a snack bar in the bookstore seems enticing to every student on the campus. The alternative plan, however, truly surpasses the first both in importance and in necessity. More computers will enhance student life so much more by improving academic opportunity, allowing more time for experimentation and exploration, and adding to the existing technology here on campus.

Academics are truly the reason college students attend this university. During the course of almost every class, a student will most likely have to use a computer to type a paper, make a graph, or perform research on the web. Additional computers in the computer labs would benefit the students' lives greatly because those who do not have access to the internet or computers would be able to use them at labs without waiting or being frustrated by old technology.

Students not only use computers for academic purposes, but also for recreation and personal reasons. They have fun chatting, e-mailing, and surfing the web, and while they do all these things, they learn about the computers themselves. All this is sort of informal training in the use of computers.  More computers would allow students the luxury of experimenting and exploring at their leisure, without preventing another student from doing assignments.

The technology on campus would also be improved by adding new computers that would have faster computation speed and larger storage capacity to accommodate the latest software. Many students have complained about insufficient hard disk space, RAM sizes, or slow CPU's. Computers are not just for word processing and internet browsing; the new software used in many classes needs more powerful computers.

Adding computers will benefit all students, whether by improving their academics, allowing them access to better technology, or providing an area for fun and learning. These are much better than hot dogs or cd's in the overall quality of student life.

This paper includes several points in support of the writer's position and develops each point with some specific details.  The writer clearly describes how computers are used for assignments and illuminates some of the problems with current computers.  Organization is very clear, if a little too obvious: the paper includes a good introduction that briefly evaluates the two options, several paragraphs of development, and a good conclusion.  Some detail in the conclusion adds interest to the writing: "[Computers] are much better than hot dogs or cd's in the overall quality of student life."  Transitions are used effectively to help the reader make connections.  The paper shows superior command of the language.  There is good sentence variety and complex sentence structures are handled well; for example, "Students not only use computers for academic purposes, but also for recreation and personal reasons."  The language is occasionally colloquial (e.g., "this is sort of informal training"), but in general word choice and phrasing are clear and precise.

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