Dear College Dean:

As a student at our college, I think I have an obligation write this letter to you to support the proposal for adding more computers to the computer lab.

If you could take a chance to visit our computer lab, you would see lots of students eager for a spare computer crowded in the waiting room area of the lab especially during the weeks near the midterm and the final-exam. Then, you would know why I am pleading you for the proposal. Yes, there are not enough computers for us. We need computers to write papers for our classes, to do computer work for class projects, to search academic or non-academic but useful information, to check and write email, to help to improve ourselves, etc. Our life is getting to depend on computers.

Some of the students own computers from family or other sources of financial support. These students obviously take advantage over those who do not have money to buy a computer in pursuing their academic goal. With enough computers, each student at our college has an equal chance to use a computer whenever he or she needs to use it without wasting unnecessary time in waiting.

Furthermore, we can purchase less expensive books, music cd's, gifts, and even snacks through the internet if we have enough computers. Our college already has enough snack-vending machines and we have lots of grocery stores near our campus. Therefore, our college should spend the money in adding more computers to the computer lab instead of wasting money in expanding the bookstore.

School is a place to provide each student with an equal opportunity. Not only could the proposal meet our computer needs and provide us a fair learning environment, but also it could serve the similar purpose of the other proposal for expanding the bookstore. I strongly believe it would enhance the quality of life for students. To serve the purpose of the donation is to use the proposal for adding more computers.

Looking forward to hearing from you for approving the proposal.

Comments on Essay with a score of 4:

The writer takes a stand on the issue in the prompt and supports his or her position by presenting two counterarguments and two positive arguments for the addition of computers.  In general, points are explained with some detail; for example, the writer says, "We need computers to write papers., to do computer work for class projects, to search . for useful information, to check and write e-mail.."  The paper has a brief introduction, several paragraphs of development of the writer's supporting points, and a paragraph of conclusion.  Some transitions are used to show connections within and among paragraphs (e.g., furthermore, therefore).  While there are some errors in grammar and usage (e.g., "If you could take a chance to visit," "you would know why I am pleading you"), in general the writer shows a competency with language.  The paper includes several effective complex sentences; for example, the fourth sentence in the second paragraph correctly uses parallel structure.

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