Dear College Dean:

I am a student studying in the community college. I heard that two proposals were given to enhance the quality of life for students. I think the proposal which is to add more computers to the computer lab is a better idea.

For most students, they have to work on homework by computer. However not all students can afford one. Giving students enough access to do their homework is the most important. I had once been staying outside the computer lab for 20 minutes waiting to use computer. This experience is awful in school life. Besides, the world is going to be more and more computerized. Without the computer access, we cannot stand in the world. It will be a good experience for students to use computer access in school life.

This paper takes a position on the issue defined in the prompt and includes two ideas in support of the writer's position (the need for greater access to computers and the need for students to be prepared to use computers in their careers).  There is a little development of the writer's first point when he or she tells about wasting time waiting for a computer, but there is no development of the writer's second point.  The paper includes a brief introduction, but it has no conclusion.  The use of the word "however" reflects an attempt to show connections between ideas, but the paper would be stronger with more transitions.  There are some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics.  The writer shows control of simple sentence structure in English.